Abusive Relationship With My Mind

I’d been enmeshed in a co-dependent mess,
It was like I didn’t even exist,
We were a dysfunctional whole,
Wherever I went, there you were,
Until a small insignificant moment made me see the toxicity of our relationship,
It wasn’t the mental or emotional abuse I’d enured for years,
Nor the isolation, insecurity, fear, or anxiety you instigated,
All of that had become my normal,
It was the short taste of freedom,
The brief moment of me without you,
For that minute I could breath.
It was then I knew that I wanted you to leave.
Trying to force you to go or change only made the abuse worse,
Things were different though,
I was now aware of the abuse,
Awareness was everything,
Perhaps I couldn’t change you,
But I could change my reaction to you.
I no longer have to engage in your rants,
I have a choice today,
I can separate myself from you whenever I want,
And someday, perhaps I can divorce you for good.

Scary Story

Just got home, it’s late, and story time,
No this isn’t your run of the mill nursery rhyme,
It’s the kind that will keep you up at night,
Not rated R but contains strong self hate that may incite fright,
The after 10 delight,
The they judge you, can’t share with you, don’t want to be near you story,
The if your ass was smaller or you were prettier then they’d love you allegory,
But don’t worry,
Turn the lights on and check under the bed,
It’s all in your head,
But it’s based on actual events the story said,
“She looked at you anxiously when you spoke”,
“He wouldn’t sit next to you”, that’s all she wrote.
Never mind the people who knew your name,
Or who seemed glad you came,
The story is still the same,
You are ugly, worthless, lame,
You are not a caring human being,
Why would you entertain this story? Its just mean!
The debate continues, “because it’s true!” it screams,
Even if it is true…which it is not,
You don’t have to entertain every plot!
Change the story, make that shit up,
To what? That everyone loves me?
That just sounds fake,
Who doesn’t like fiction? For Pete’s sake!
Give it a new take, the best ever re-make,
Something with a happy ending,
That you have a good heart, are loved and are worthy of friending,
And read that shit every night,
Until it sounds right.
And read that shit every night,
Until it FEELS right!