Appreciation Before Depreciation

Heart that beats without distress,
Comfortable nights rest,
Bending with ease,
Walks with pain free knees,
Driving with no restrictions,
Healthy with no addictions,
Bed that is safe and warm,
Umbrella during a thunderstorm,
Thoughts and no headaches,
Clear skin without outbreaks,
Food to eat,
Shoes on feet,
Free without a case,
An affectionate embrace,
Love of family on holidays,
Drives with no delays,
Snuggling with mans best friend,
Wounds that quickly mend,
Losing weight without effort,
Forgiveness for not knowing better,
Having someone to pay your bills,
Kissed booboos on your spills,
Roof to keep you safe and dry,
Spouse to dry your crying eye,
Full set of teeth,
Clear lungs as you breathe,
Spryness of youth,
Wrinkle free, soft, and smooth,
Feelings of peace and calm,
Security of your dad and mom.

While you have them take advantage,
Don’t take these things for granted,
Embrace them while they exist,
Because once they’re gone they are sorely missed.

Harvest

Show me the fruit of your harvest,
Is it sweet or rotten?
Does it provide only enough fruit for yourself?
Or does it feed many?
Does the fruit you harvest come from a sheltered house plant?
Or is it from a strong fruit tree that has sustained through all the elements?
Show me your harvest over a period of time,
Does it persevere and continue to produce great harvests year after year?

Scary Story

Just got home, it’s late, and story time,
No this isn’t your run of the mill nursery rhyme,
It’s the kind that will keep you up at night,
Not rated R but contains strong self hate that may incite fright,
The after 10 delight,
The they judge you, can’t share with you, don’t want to be near you story,
The if your ass was smaller or you were prettier then they’d love you allegory,
But don’t worry,
Turn the lights on and check under the bed,
It’s all in your head,
But it’s based on actual events the story said,
“She looked at you anxiously when you spoke”,
“He wouldn’t sit next to you”, that’s all she wrote.
Never mind the people who knew your name,
Or who seemed glad you came,
The story is still the same,
You are ugly, worthless, lame,
You are not a caring human being,
Why would you entertain this story? Its just mean!
The debate continues, “because it’s true!” it screams,
Even if it is true…which it is not,
You don’t have to entertain every plot!
Change the story, make that shit up,
To what? That everyone loves me?
That just sounds fake,
Who doesn’t like fiction? For Pete’s sake!
Give it a new take, the best ever re-make,
Something with a happy ending,
That you have a good heart, are loved and are worthy of friending,
And read that shit every night,
Until it sounds right.
And read that shit every night,
Until it FEELS right!

Fuck Me With Your Mind

Make me wet with your intellect and all of your passion,
When you share your thoughts on psychology, science and politics, don’t ration,
Captivate me with the significance of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964,
Expound upon Watergate and the Vietnam War,
Orate about Quantum Theory and how time does not exist,
Please don’t stop…I insist,
Give a discourse on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Repeal Act of 2010,
My safe word is red, don’t worry, I’ll say when.

Discuss mass shooter psychology and gun laws,
All the titillating things that give my heart pause,
Talk to me about political parties and parliamentary systems,
Or your musings on string theory, I would not dare miss them,
Animate how critical in the bottom of the ninth is a sacrifice fly,
Explain that the number of runners who score is an RBI,
Unbutton my pants,
As we chat about Van Gogh’s depiction of Saint-Remy-de-Provence in the south of France.

While we debate the issues of stem cell research using human embryos,
Slowly strip off my clothes,
Gently touch me with a speech on the multi-universe and binary digits,
Or on black hole physics and all things delicious,
Spread my legs apart,
With your dissertation on Dante’s Inferno and the Miserere transcribed by Mozart,
Elucidate gender identity-based employment discrimination,
And the impacts of the first gay rights organization.

Tease me when you discuss casually,
Of all the work you are doing for LGBTQ advocacy,
Penetrate me with a lesson on the Suffragette movement and the history of feminism,
Thrust upon me a homily of the Tao, Christianity and Buddhism,
You might make me cum if you can talk coherently,
About non-guilt based recovery and attachment based therapy.

But if she can’t carry a conversation and pleasure my brain,
I’ll abstain,
If she is a girl of my kind,
She will fuck me with her mind.

Still Dreaming

I tried to drink away the feeling,
But there I was still dreaming,
Moved but not yet moving on,
Maybe if I write this it’ll pass and be forever gone.

Standing in the driveway staring up at the sky,
Wondering if I’d know you if you passed me by,
Digging deep and sweating,
Sun beats down…forgetting,
How it felt to have you by my side,
I’d claim it no longer hurts…but I’d lie.

Working hard to better…the person that was so easily tossed away,
But who I am now is a mystery,
So I turn it over…and over…and I pray,
Make me whole again…

I try to date but I’m not able,
Frankly I’m too unstable,
In the mirror I see nothing good looking back at me,
Nothing like the me in your eyes I used to see.

Another sunset…marveling at the beauty,
Ocean breeze and all the things that move me,
But is it real when you have to experience it alone,
Will any place without you ever feel like home?

Working hard to better…the person that was so easily thrown away,
But who I am now is a mystery,
So I turn it over…and over…and I pray,
Make me whole again…

 

Thinking Addiction

My greatest addiction,
The cause of all my afflictions,
Including my drinking,
My stinking thinking.
The voice that talks that is not me,
The one who lies constantly,
Driving down my self-esteem,
Saying things that are just plain mean.

If I don’t keep a conscious eye,
And be the watcher as the thoughts pass by,
If I self identify with the thought, calling it my own,
I allow it to become full blown.
Then I believe the lie,
Feeding it, allowing it to magnify,
“Why do you act so vexed?
Can’t you read the subtext?
Clearly the fact that you are ignoring,
Is that you are boring,
You have resting bitch face,
They never liked you in the first place.”

Pushing away for protection,
At the slightest detection of perceived rejection.
The here and now is my life preserver,
When I’m able to be the silent observer,
I’m able to stay and not get carried away.
I’m able to stay and not get carried away.

It is in this quiet space that I come to know me,
And the things the voice would not let me see,
Like how we are all connected,
And that it’s impossible to be rejected,
That the pain is self inflicted,
That I’m addicted.
But there is a solution.
It’s found through dissolution,
A complete divorce from my thoughts,
No more ifs or aughts,
Time to unmake,
Time to awake.

 

Heart Setting

My heart is hurting,
The sun set tonight,
Its disconcerting,
The removal of the light,
Many moons have passed since feeling that warm,
Wanting to hold it like the last firefly in the pasture,
Before the evening thunderstorm,
Something that beautiful you cannot capture,
The long nights slowly kill the weeds,
Grateful that this won’t last,
But even the darkness has needs,
How bleak that it is in contrast,
With the twilight that supersedes,
Compared to the blazing colors she cast,
My crying heart, now it bleeds.

Awakening Hearts

Each tortured twisted human,
Judged and on the outskirts of salvation,
Before the world can understand,
A trail of inspiration,
In each one God had a hand,
Their plight is an illusion,
Looking back we see Gods plan,
Evolving consciousness, their contribution.

Inside their passion glows,
They speak without a plea,
Plagued by their earthly woes,
Their troubles set them free,
It is the broken and the lonely,
Who impact our history.

They sing because their unstable,
They paint to push out pain,
They’re not hippies for the label,
They dance despite the rain,
They write when they’re distressed,
They are full of grief and shame,
Seeking yet still perplexed,
For their purpose in which they came,
Through sharing of their arts,
Their suffering not in vain,
Awakening peoples hearts,
Gods ultimate campaign.

Emotional Storm

The waves endless push and pull,
Retracting it’s touch too soon,
Caving under the control,
Its plans disrupt by the moon.
The crest of the wave rides high,
Before being thrown to the ground,
When the tide finally subsides,
All the lost things are found.
A saddening plight,
It’s nature causing it to disturb what it adores,
The turbulent storm although often contrite,
Nevertheless erodes the calm shores.
The shallow drawn into the deep,
Where all life exists,
Ignoring the waves as they weep,
Pulled into the oceanic abyss.