Thinking Addiction

My greatest addiction,
The cause of all my afflictions,
Including my drinking,
My stinking thinking.
The voice that talks that is not me,
The one who lies constantly,
Driving down my self-esteem,
Saying things that are just plain mean.

If I don’t keep a conscious eye,
And be the watcher as the thoughts pass by,
If I self identify with the thought, calling it my own,
I allow it to become full blown.
Then I believe the lie,
Feeding it, allowing it to magnify,
“Why do you act so vexed?
Can’t you read the subtext?
Clearly the fact that you are ignoring,
Is that you are boring,
You have resting bitch face,
They never liked you in the first place.”

Pushing away for protection,
At the slightest detection of perceived rejection.
The here and now is my life preserver,
When I’m able to be the silent observer,
I’m able to stay and not get carried away.
I’m able to stay and not get carried away.

It is in this quiet space that I come to know me,
And the things the voice would not let me see,
Like how we are all connected,
And that it’s impossible to be rejected,
That the pain is self inflicted,
That I’m addicted.
But there is a solution.
It’s found through dissolution,
A complete divorce from my thoughts,
No more ifs or aughts,
Time to unmake,
Time to awake.

 

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