Daily Writing

TopaNope

So Topamax was an epic fail. Wow, my brain was a complete fog. My psychiatrist said a side effect could be forgetting words. After two days on the meds, I couldn’t piece thoughts together at all. Being in school and the work I do, this is just not an option. This is a bit of a shame because apparently, they help you lose weight. It is good to realize however that I value my brain more than my body. I stopped taking them on Saturday and fortunately by Sunday I was back to thinking normally. I have another appointment next week and I guess we’ll try a different medication. I took the day off work today. I needed a mental health day and I had to finish up a paper. I am still feeling optimistic. So far all the intentions I have set for myself I have stayed committed to. We’ll see if I can keep on this track. I am going to try to start meditating at night or something, I need to add an additional element to my routine to help me manage stress. Perhaps it’ll even make sleep better. Stress further aggravates my moods and my bad perceptions.

It is insane to me how long I have had mental health issues and was completely unaware of it. Definitely, since I was in my 20s, perhaps before then. My 20s were so painful. Much of it too I was unaware of. I am aware of it now but it still is painful, especially in times when my meds are not balanced or when I have external factors triggering me such as work or school stress.

It is not easy to explain the life in someone’s head who is struggling with their mental health. I will say it for the most part isn’t as bad as it used to be, even on my worst days. But I still have rough days. Today though, I forgo all my obligations and I plan to just do art and watch movies that make me happy. I hope everyone has a happy Monday.

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