Daily Writing

Break Time Blues

Reflecting on my month out of school left me insignificantly pleased. It was nice to not think about homework. I was either exhausted or depressed or perhaps both. I did little outside of binging various television series and movies on copious apps.

The holidays’ preparations and “celebration” felt like just going through the motions. I had no joy putting up my decorations, which typically brought me a lot of peace. I didn’t even watch classic Christmas movies such as It’s a Wonderful Life, The Christmas Story, or Christmas Vacation.

I managed to engage in some art; however, I needed more. It felt like climbing a mountain pulling out all the supplies, and getting started. Once I did get started, it was satisfying to produce something. I am not sure why I was depressed. Unless my depression was merely exhaustion, and then, in that case, I behaved exactly as how you’d expect.

I had a virtual Christmas with my girlfriend and family. This was about as fulfilling as the zoom recovery meetings during COVID, if that tells you something. Virtual anything, even for this introverted individual, is as enjoyable as having your back scratched by someone with no nails. If you had asked me how my Christmas was, I would have told you it was good. Would it have been socially acceptable to say otherwise? No one wants to sit through that uncomfortable conversation.

I chaired a recovery meeting in December. Why I signed up for December is unclear. Perhaps I had forgotten that I had done the same thing in 2021 and regretted it. It is a 5-week month and two of the weeks are holidays. During holidays in Florida, flocks of people burn their money, creating noise pollution till the wee hours of the morning, terrifying all living creatures. These events cause me to stress the entire meeting about how my dogs are fairing (now, just dog, this year). Chairing was particularly challenging because I had severe anxiety at this meeting. Every meeting feels like my nerves are resting outside my body, and the air causes them to hurt.

If you are reading this blog, you may think, wow, this person is utterly pessimistic and ungrateful. Or perhaps you are not. Regardless, this is probably accurate. The break was alright, but for people craving optimism, let’s review the positives.

My roof got replaced in December. I got some new books and started reading a couple. Well, yeah, that may be all the positives that I can recall. It was a month of tv and doctors’ appointments. That may be a sign of aging. I did start going back to therapy, and again, if you are reading this, you are probably reassured by this fact.

Let’s be forward-thinking. Things have been feeling more optimistic with the start of the new year. It has provided me with a boost of motivation and hope. The motivation I plan to use is to propel me toward forming better daily habits. Habits that will create a less stressful and more balanced 2023. I ordered an Instapot and did my first meal prep on the first of the year. I won’t reveal the other facets of the upcoming months that I am excited about. So, stay tuned.

I read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy over the weekend. I read it in 2 days. It has been a long time since I binged a book like that. It was a fast read and hilarious. It has a dry humor and feels similar to spoof comedy like Airplane or Spaceballs. I have heard people always rave about this book. I thought it was going to be incredibly insightful. I had no idea it was just a comedy. It was one of the most creative and outlandish pieces of literature I’ve ever read.

Focusing now just on this upcoming week. The first official week of my Statistics 101 course was today. My first work week of 2023 begins tomorrow. I will review my schedule in more detail to determine which day is best to get my blood drawn. Depending on the results of my lab work, I might start taking Metformin. Metformin, more commonly known for diabetes management, is also a drug with some proven success in controlling my skin disease.

The monthly detox committee meeting is tomorrow night, and attendance is required. I believe there is a new chairperson for the committee, so I am hopeful it will not be as painful as last year’s meetings. Wednesday, I have my weekly commitment to bring a meeting into the detox facility. This meeting is the highlight service commitment of my week.

This reminds me that I have to reach the detox facility’s manager. I would like to know if she would be open to me conducting my research there when the time comes. My professor, with whom I shared my dissertation topic idea, thought it was feasible, but only if I had a population for the study. The idea centers around the detox population, so fingers crossed this pans out. If it doesn’t pan out, there are a couple other detox facilities in the area I can try. However, this is the one I am most familiar with, so it would be nice if they agreed. I’ve been nervous preparing for this call.

The rest of the week, the first in a long time, is not filled with appointments. This is good because I need to focus on my first statistics assignment. I have to take a pre-quiz to assess my knowledge before the class. I can only imagine what my grade will be. Then I have 15 questions to answer. This does not sound terrible, but trust me, these questions are, in fact, horrible.

Anyhow, wishing you all peace in present moments!

Cover Photo by Nick Collins on Unsplash

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