From as far back as I can remember there has been something inside of me that has yearned to build something. When I was a kid I would go into my dad’s garage with a piece of wood and I envisioned I would walk out with some sort of master-crafted artwork. What I usually walked out with was a board full of bent nails. I immediately decided that woodworking was not for me. I had not yet learned the lesson that creating the beauty I saw in my head required skill and that skill required practice and patience.
I later began putting pencil to paper to express myself. I felt confident in this new expression until I went to an art class I had begged my parents to sign me up for. I saw people around me draw things that seemed unimaginable to me. Instead of really learning or becoming inspired because of my comparing, I left feeling defeated and small. I had not yet learned the lesson that creating the beauty I saw in my head required skill and that skill required practice and patience.
Today I spend a good amount of my time trying to express myself creatively. Education and learning are the fuel that I can later use in each craft. When it comes to writing I am an early novice. In the past, writing was something I did for school assignments and when I was in pain, for poetry. I also began to journal periodically based on prompting from my therapist. Through this journaling, I learned that writing provided freedom of expression and creation equivalent to a drawing or a painting. Recently I’ve begun daily writing, as I realized that I had reverted back to my early childhood expectations that I could sit down with something beautiful in my head and have it come to life as expected on the screen. I had forgotten the lesson that creating the beauty I saw in my head required skill and that skill required practice and patience.
I live a very full life between work, school, and recovery so I configure my environment to promote the habits I wish to achieve. I ensure that I have workstations in easy sight and prepared for me to just fill up a can of water, sit down, and create. My laptop is always charged and next to a comfy chair, window, and reading material. My drawing and painting skills still have much room for improvement and my creativity is yet to be fully unleashed. However, the progress I’ve made in that area of my life has definitely surpassed my current writing abilities. The lesson of creating the beauty I see in my head requires skill and that skill requires practice and patience is finally being learned.
Cover Photo by Cookie the Pom on Unsplash