Sponsorship

This post is discussing my thoughts on Sponsorship in 12-step recovery. These are my opinions based on things I’ve read or experienced. This is in no way discrediting the importance of love and service. Most people who do sponsor and have a sponsor in the now formal context of that word help many people. I have a “sponsor” but we’ll discuss that here shortly.

What I perceived as the current definition of responsibilities that go into being a sponsor is to help someone go through the 12 steps. The AA pamphlet “Questions and Answers on Sponsorship” provides a much more thorough listing of expected behaviors.

My experience is that you are to have this sponsor forever unless you fire them or they fire you. Many sponsors have the expectation that you call them regularly to check-in. Some sponsors require you to call every day. This may be particularly true for newcomers, but I’ve seen this extended to everyone regardless of length of sobriety. Due to this very intense relationship sponsors limit the number of sponsees they will take on.

When researching AA history, Dr. Bob and Bill W. never mentioned sponsorship. They do discuss love and service and helping another alcoholic. According to the pamphlet “The Co-Founders of Alcoholics Anonymous,” Dr. Bob and Sister Ignatia helped 5,000 people recover within the 15 years of sobriety that Dr. Bob had. Let’s do the math on that. That is 333 people per year for 15 years. That is 27 per month for 15 years. That is 6 people per week. Even if you split that between him and Sister Ignatia, that would still be 3 people each week. Consider that for a moment. Think about how sponsorship is viewed today. Do you believe that is how Dr. Bob “sponsored” during his sobriety? That is hard to believe. That is like asking someone to believe that Santa Clause delivers presents to all the kids in the world in one night.

What is more likely is that Dr. Bob took people through the steps very quickly, introduced them to meetings and some other alcoholics, and then went on to help the next person. Some of these 5,000 may have periodically reached out with a question. However, imagine doing that regularly with 5,000 people. It is not a sustainable model. Step 2 states, “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Once you work through the steps, you are supposed to have been returned to sanity. From that point forward, our thinking and actions are to be sorted out in the same manner as other humans. That may mean occasionally getting guidance from a parent, friend, or therapist.

Somewhere along the line, the idea of what the responsibilities are for helping others as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous has drastically changed. Most likely through a very long game of telephone started in 1935. Do you all remember that game? The game is where one person starts by whispering into the next person’s ear, and that person passes what he or she heard to the next person, and on and on.

The message frequently relayed in meetings today is that “my first thought is wrong,” so I need this sponsor to guide my thoughts to ensure I don’t live my life incorrectly. There is a lot of stigma for someone who does not have a sponsor. They call that sponsoring yourself. There is perhaps no worse thing in recovery. Many people get a “sponsor in name” just to avoid the stigma and judgement that comes with not having one. I now fit in this category. I call her my sponsor to avoid judgement, but she is just a friend. She is a friend in the program whom I like to talk to when I need to work through a resentment or shame I may be dealing with. I have others that I call on depending on what I am going through or who I can reach when I am going through it.

Carl Jung strongly influenced Bill W. In Carl Jung’s book, “Modern Man in Search of a Soul,” he discusses the need for confession. He states that until a confessions is done, he is shutting himself out of being a man among men. That confession is cathartic and enables you to get out of isolation. He states confessions should not be just thoughts but emotions as well. If you read this section in Jung’s book, you will see where Bill got his influence for Step 4. Spooky in how it is almost verbatim in some respects.

Jung talks about how this act of confession, in many cases, causes the confessor to form an attachment to the person to whom they confessed. They call that transference. Freud coined the term. It is also common during this process that the person receiving the confession becomes attached to the person giving the confession. This is called countertransference. He refers to this as a fixation. It often becomes this parent/child relationship. When the confessor develops this type of childish dependence, he states a “neurotic formation directly induced by the treatment.” He states, “A certain dependence upon the physician who has helped you is of course normal and understandable enough. What is abnormal and unexpected is the unusual obstinacy of the transference and its inaccessibility to conscious correction.” He explains that through this treatment process, both involved are transformed. However, he maintains that this fixation must be resolved.

I have more to say on this topic. I must start work soon, so I will let it rest for today.